Head still pounding, body still aching, heart still heavy, I want to sleep until I can convince myself that this "reality" is only a really bad dream.....then I will wake up again. R.I.P Davon Green-Franklin . *I miss you* You were a great man....and you will NEVER be forgotten.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Imagine getting punched in the face over and over and over again. Two things would happen: 1.) It would hurt like hell. You would think that after a while you would get use to it but you never really do. It hurts just as much the 30th time as it did the 1st time. 2.) It would take the prettiest people and turn them into the roughest, meanest, ugliest people you have ever seen and even if thats not who they truly were you would never know because with each scar added to the exterior the more the interior is effected as well.
This is no different then when people do things to hurt you emotionally. A lot of times people don't realize how hurtful their actions and words are. If you knew where the punches were coming from then it would be a lot easier to combat them. When they come from different directions its A.) Hard to fight them all at the same time and B.) Make you realize that its quite possible the problem in yourself.
After the last 7 months i feel like this is #thestoryofmylife and today a few things became evident:
1.) People are not to be trusted. This is something I always knew but for whatever reason i thought that maybe because I was in college, Howard University the "Black Harvard" of all places that perhaps people operated on a different level of maturity. I was wrong #DEADWRONG
2.) People are DECEPTICONS. Seriously. I know it sounds funny but I couldn't think of a better way to truly wrap up the character of your average Howard student into a better word. People pretend to care to get what they want and as soon as they do they are suddenly brand new people. This goes for guys and girls
3.) NOBODY is your friend. You have no friends. Please know the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. Just because you know who somebody is doesn't make them your friend. Just because you all smoke, drink, party, and live in the same dorm or apart of the same org does not make your friends!
4.) Fourth and perhaps most importantly..... maybe this just applies to me.....maybe. I feel like my entire life I have been the worlds punching bag for one reason or another. When I was younger it was because I had things other people didn't. A cell phone in the fourth grade?? #wheretheydothatat?? As I got older it was because I was the extremely confident, overly competitive girl in high school who was captain and president of everything imaginable.
But as for now....I don't know. I have come to the realization that here at Howard it is deeper then the exterior materialistic things with most people and yet I still can't pinpoint what the issue actually is. I wish I could because I feel if I knew what it truly was I could do something about it. I guess until I figure out I will continue to play the part of the "the punching bag."
I actually think I am becoming quite good at it....sad I know :( I just hope people dont begin to question my standoffish, bitter, Fuck with me if yu want to attitude ....i guess if they do I can just direct them here.